kandy.net

I spend my days, all day long, listening to a computerized voice.

Oh, and marking ballots.

The older I get, the less I believe that people are meant to cohabit.

Or maybe it’s just me. Some people crave constant human interaction. Some people hate being alone. And I just can’t understand that feeling. I really really really love my alone time, without it.. I would go insane and kill people. I think maybe I’ve always been the loner. The outsider. The girl who sits in her room all night long, not socializing with anyone. I get high strung and easily angry at anyone who even attempts to break down these walls and tries to get close to me. Like a lion in a cage. Everyone must stay at a distance or she will attack.

It is completely impossible for me to get along with a person that I talk to or see everyday of my life. And that’s fine for coworkers, friends, family, whatever… everyone is like this to a certain extent. But if I’m in love, in a relationship, I really want and almost NEED to be able to see or talk to my love everyday. However, being who I am… short-fused, difficult, stubborn, self-centered, rude, whatever else… no matter who the other person is, it is not feasible. I don’t have the patience. Can’t live with, can’t live without.

I’m more happy living alone than I ever was with any of my roommates or boyfriends. I always felt like the bitchy mom that no one liked. Now, I can be the mom, the neat freak, the slob, the nudist, the gassy person, the snorer, the cooker, the whatever I want, whenever the fuck I please, without bothering or caring about anyone. This makes me happy and content, to have nothing or no one else to worry about or take care of but myself. It may be completely selfish of me, but I don’t want to allow anything or anyone to fuck that pleasantry up for me. I’ll never be able to start a family. I’ll be that house wife that’s running off with the lawn boy just for the purpose of rebelling against what I feel I’ve trapped myself into.

And yes, maybe this anti-everything attitude shuts me out from the rest of the world. While making it painfully obvious that I still have a lot of growing up and learning to do. If my thoughts on this matter don’t ever change by my own pretext, I will ultimately be miserable and alone with cats because I’m too stubborn to change my life to accommodate anyone but me. Because I’ve tried it before, and that is just silly, make myself happy first. Because you can’t love anyone until you love yourself.

Sometimes, I wish I was a robot.

My favorite snack to make:

A flour tortilla, plus pasta sauce, plus shredded cheese, and whatever toppings. Today, I used tomatoes, black olives, and some mozzarella. I wish I had some fresh basil too. Love it.

We have been super busy at work this week, tons of overtime hours. And I still love my job. Love my coworkers, love my bosses, love my customers, love the work, love everything about it. I’ve never liked going to work so much before, it definitely makes life more enjoyable when you don’t hate your job. Even when it’s twelve hour days, and all I do is sleep and go to work… I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I spent this past weekend with a guy who knows how to treat a lady.

He hopped a last minute plane, running to the gate to get to Omaha. We walked downtown, to the new foot bridge and when we realized I was wrong about it being open to the public, he didn’t bitch or complain at me even a tiny bit. He did three loads of my laundry, washed my dishes the entire time he was here, immediately took the trash out whenever needed, helped me run errands (which is: lifting giant heavy bags (that have been sitting in my living room for approximately 2 months) to take to Goodwill). He took me out to eat, we saw Tropic Thunder (hilarious), we went out and had a great time. He made me breakfast every morning and cooked me dinner some nights, bought me groceries, replaced things he consumed while here, fed my cat. Gave me very much needed back rubs after work. He bought me delicious wine that he doesn’t even like, because he knows I like it. He fixed the back speakers in my car, put air in my tires, tried to fix a leak that I didn’t even know was there, pumped gas for me, drove me around when I didn’t feel like driving. He gave me some awesome artwork for my walls, that I would loooove to show the internet because they are awesome, but I haven’t had time hang them yet.

All of this and I never asked for any of it. I was treated like a queen, regardless of whether or not I was acting like an asshole. Now come on, how can a girl not enjoy that kind of attentiveness coming from a guy as good-looking as this?

I’m in such a great mood today, I hope this sticks.

Sometimes, I get super anti-social and start to hate the world and live in my own little tunnel-vision-krin-land for a while. Then, allow no access to Krin land for anyone, I don’t care who you are. This gets escalated a little more everytime I have to live through yet another break up, my faith in humanity dies a little each time. And it makes me not want to be apart of it.

All it takes is a good pal to shake me out of it, to remind me that I am liked and cared about, and not all people are mean and hurtful. I really appreciate the old friends I’ve made here in Omaha, always know just what it takes to put a smile on my face.

Another thing I noticed when screwing around on my site was that I had a few un-posted comments waiting for my approval.

You see, this website gets an amazing amount of spambot hits that leave comments looking something similar to this:

free online poker texas free online poker texas , free poker game free poker game , world series of poker world series of poker , pacific poker pacific poker , poker poker , poker room poker room , free online video poker free online video poker , holdem poker holdem poker , texas holdem poker texas holdem poker , poker hands poker hands , online poker tournament online poker tournament……

And it goes on and on, with random links thrown in. If it’s not about poker or the like, it’s about porn. I’ll refrain from posting one of those…

First, I made it so comments were emailed to me and I had to approve them before they were posted. But then it got so bad, that I would wake up to 300+ stupid comments sitting in my inbox, waiting to be approved.

So, I turned the email alerts off. But that doesn’t stop the comments from coming! And sitting there all on one page, waiting to be approved. I would forget and not check it for about a week and there would be so many comments in there, the page wouldn’t even load. Once, it was up to like 9,000+. Serious.

THEN, I decided to make it so you have to register to comment. And the freaking spambot ruined that idea also. It would actually register a name and make comments using that username. I am not joking! Before I deleted all the spambot usernames, I had 105 “users”, when only about 25 of them are actual people.

I think I’m the victim of some cruel joke, some dumb kid from Michigan played once when I was like 18.

To drag out a short story, this is why you have to register to comment. I’m sorry if they don’t get posted right away, don’t let it deter you from commenting. I do love getting comments. I mean, obviously I do, to bother with all that crap when I could just turn the commenting off.

This weekend, when I was messing around on here, I came across this post. This is a post I posted for a day and then made it private because I got paranoid that maybe someone at work would somehow find it and read it. The next post is about me getting fired from that job.

I had a lot of friends work there for a while and they all either got fired, laid off, or quit because they couldn’t stand the bitchiness. This is an office full of women, probably all on the same cycle, and have no respect for each other whatsoever. You think they are chums, but all they do is bad mouth each other behind their backs, all day long. And then wonder why no work is getting done. Duh!!

These women immediately hated me because of the premise of my hire. I was brought to the company via a friend and hired by her boss (a male) who got fired like a week or a month after my hire date. The friend that I had there hated them before I even started and was rude to everyone. So, by association, everyone was rude to me. Slowly, one by one, all the people I actually liked and got along with were getting fired. When she got fired, I’m pretty sure they expected me to quit too, but I stayed. I worked so hard and did the work of two people, they never had a real reason to fire me. Working there was never ever easy. Everyday, I dreaded going to work, these women would make me cry with their threats to fire me over something incredibly minuscule. I mean, how unprofessional can you be? But I stuck it out, because I just love being that busy. I don’t really know why I stayed. Finding another job is hard. And after leaving that place, I had to work two jobs, seven days a week to keep up with bills. Until I got my current job, which I love, have I mentioned that yet?

Anyway, I’ve got a great story to tell.

Recently, a friend of a girlfriend of mine was offered a job at Amerifirst Home Improvement Financing. Just after I had heard news from an old coworker, that they laid off half of the company and she thought they would be closing down soon. I wish I could find my old coworker a more decent job, she really needs out of there.

Upon hearing about this job offer, this girlfriend of mine remembered the hell I (and everyone else) went through and suggested that he talk to me before accepting. Him and I had a nice little conversation that day, but at that point he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. I even told him that I felt so strongly about this issue that he could even tell them he talked to Corinne McGee. Last week, I heard that he held out and found a better job, with more pay and more benefits, at a much more established company. As did I!!! I’m so glad.

I’m just saying… I’m thrilled I could make a positive influence in someone’s else life.

I’m also even more thrilled to be working for such a great company as I am now. I mean, how many jobs have YOU had that gave you free shirts, hats, jackets, grill sets, and Omaha Steaks? And let’s not forget the trip to Detroit and wherever I get to go for the November election. I’ve always wanted to travel for my job. In retrospect, I am really really really glad they fired me, because I was too stubborn to quit.

I spent a couple hours on this really cool radio blog thing. But then, I realized last.fm has a web gadget thing, which you now see on the right. Utilizing this neat little gadget won’t tie up my bandwidth. And the songs are more random and not hand-picked by me, they are last.fm-picked, based on what I like. No uploading or coding to my website involved. Pretty nifty.

I love the weather this time of year. Love sleeping with the windows open. Love the smell and sound of rain on the metal awnings above my windows.

I signed up for Quicken online today, it is pretty damn neat! Kind of like playing a game with my income. I lost the game last month. Money tracking, planning, and saving, here I come.

The last three times I’ve caught Saturday Night Live, it’s been the same episode. Three times now!

And now for the dramatic portion of today’s post.

I am so sick of dishonest, untrustworthy people. I try to ignore it or pretend like I don’t care. But it’s hard when the person in question keeps jumping up and down in front of me, begging for attention. Okay, not exactly like that, but still… I can’t move onward and upward with all the constant little reminders, dragging me down. Right back down to the bottom of the hole I’m currently trying to dig my way out of.

I am stuck in a rut. I think I will go on hiatus from having any kind of social life for a while. At least until the election season is over. Sometimes it gets too hard to pretend everything is fine.

A little knowledge about me: I am the most impatient person you will ever meet. I want results NOW. I will not wait another second. It’s not about being indecisive, it’s about wanting to make a decision immediately, whether it’s what I really want or not. I don’t want to spend my time thinking, talking, mulling it over. I want to make a permanent decision and move on to the next thing.

In fact, this is how I ended up here. Not much thought went into it. But I wouldn’t call it impulsive, really. I am far from impulsive.

I need to remind myself that not everything is so concrete. There are grey areas in life. These things take time. In the grand scheme of things. Some things are out of my control and I shouldn’t be bothered with worrying about it so much. Things will happen as they’re supposed to. This is comforting.