kandy.net

Sometimes I get so consumed with bad thoughts that I really start to believe that everything horrible my brain can think up, must be the complete and total truth. And then, just to exaggerate the ridiculous… I will waste way too much thought, time and energy, looking/digging/searching for tiny details to prove all my tragic theories accurate. When all the while, I’m only hoping for someone to fight me and show me that I’m wrong. However, throwing the first punch never ends well. And I really need to learn to stop getting so wrapped up in my own mind and just relax for once.

And sometimes, I really wish I could convey my thoughts without conversation, because I’m really bad at talking.

how many times did I type the word ‘really’ in this post

xxx

I’m glad I’m not the only one delaying adulthood for as long as possible.

I got a 10% raise. Go me! Still should probably find that mythical part time job I’ve been daydreaming about. I am so determined to get out of debt from being ripped off the first year living here, it’s all I can think about. Every penny I spend is closely calculated and part of a budget.

So, I think I’ll post progress updates. As of today, right now, the total amount I owe to credit cards: -$3,268.45. Not too bad, I mean, could definitely be worse, and it was. I just really despise the monthly fee and interest rate charges. Projected pay off completion month is April 2011.

At that point, there are a few things I want, need immediately / asap / right away:
- My own place.
- Gym membership.
- Health insurance. Along with this comes new contacts, glasses, dentist. And getting my damn always-in-pain wrist, checked out.
- A sweet bike.
- Lots and lots of new clothes.
- A dart board & a hammock.

I think I’m done with photo-a-day. It gets hard coming up with something worth looking at when you only see the same things every day. Someday, I won’t feel so trapped and restricted, and maybe my life will be fun and interesting again.

Photo-A-Day, Work, xxx

Our landlord never cashed my check last month. I’ve never met him or even spoken to him and he doesn’t return any phone calls. So, I didn’t want to send another check out into the abyss until we heard from him. It’s now half way through the month and we haven’t heard a thing.

The neighbors say their checks haven’t been cashed since October. So uh.. I’m not sure what to do about that? Not that I mind living here for free, but something’s not right here and it’s gotten me worried. And I’m not sure how to avoid the possible impending doom of paying OR not paying rent.

However, I get to come home to my favorite person everyday. So, there’s that and that’s good.

xxx Apartments, Roommates

To be understood without speaking a word is the most comforting feeling ever.

To be misunderstood, no matter what is said, is the worst feeling ever.

I could spend hours, days, weeks, just talking… some of these thoughts would still never be comprehended. And that’s fine, I can live with that. But the worst is when I’m viewed harshly because of any misguidance in the words I chose. Or the attitude I didn’t mean to convey, by just saying nothing at all.

“In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood.” – Henry David Thoreau

xxx me

I have no idea what the above says, but I like this design a lot (even if it is kind of a subtle ad for Starbucks). If you can translate, please inform me.

I’ve got nothing else to say, so here’s a couple songs for ya.


Matt & Kim – Daylight



Matt & Kim – Good ol’ Fashion Nightmare

Goodnight!

Music, xxx kandy.net, Matt & Kim

For years and years and.. well, basically my entire life, I’ve always had such a hard time believing a person that I adore, could actually like me back. I always look for ulterior motives. Any reason at all to not be a fool and fall for it. If I can’t find any hidden agendas, I turn to testing it. In that crazy girl way. And believe me, you do not want to be the student of this lesson.

I blame it on stupid Disney movies, childhood fairy tales, love stories, and all those horrible chick flicks that tell you it’s not real unless amazing boundaries have been surpassed. Drastic measures have been taken. All obstacles have been trumped. And everyone lives happily ever after.

Well, that’s not real life. And I’m disappointed in reality.

xxx me

I haven’t been taking any photos lately, guess I should do something about that. Prepare yourselves for lots of photos of kitties snuggling cause I now live with four cats. Any they sure do like cuddling. My other two roommates got into town last Thursday. They are awesome and so are their kitties.

I’ll be in Omaha in a week. Sorta unlike me.. I already pretty much have my whole trip planned out. So, if anyone is not working during the day on Friday, let’s hang out.

xxx Omaha, Roommates

I can’t remember a time that I’ve ever been more confused about where to go or who to believe.

I have a brick wall up to keep the bad guys out. Unfortunately, it goes up at the drop of a hat and blocks the good people out also.

Once you’ve crossed to the dark side, there’s no coming back. No matter how convincing you may be. This is why I have very few (and far between) close friends.

In other news, here is the story of my life.

xxx

You want to know why I fall in love with everyone I meet? Why I don’t thoroughly think things through before taking action? Why I don’t analyze every possible outcome of a situation before diving head first into it?

Because life is too fucking short to not love passionately and live spontaneously. I am not the type to think before doing. I am the type to throw all caution to the wind, act impulsively, and then reflect.

You know, there are some people out there who have never really loved anyone at all. I’m glad I’m not one of them. And well, I’ve been in love more times than I can keep track of anymore. And you know what? I don’t regret any of it. Maybe there was some regret at the break; it always, always, always stings. No matter how many times, it hurts just as much, if not more. But the experience is absolutely, definitely, always worth it.

If I wasn’t employed and somehow magically rich, I would live in an RV on the road. Because I don’t like feeling like I’m stuck. Right now, I feel like I am stuck. Because I’m too poor to even breathe with leisure. I spend my days doing nothing but going to work and then going home.

If you’re smart, you can read the conundrum I’ve gotten myself into. While I love the life I’m leading, I feel like a hamster running in a wheel…

…getting nowhere.

xxx me

Well, I was really dragging my feet on this last move. Glad it’s over. Glad I had help. Glad I’m all moved in. Glad Jeff lives in town now! Glad I’m no worse for the wear. Gladgladglad.

I really hate moving, but boy.. I sure am a nester. I had the whole kitchen unpacked before the end of the day… That is, the same day I moved all my stuff in. Bedroom came next. And I’ve already purchased and placed a hanging plant on the convenient hook that was already in the bathroom.

Yah, I’m that good.

I got nothing else.

xxx Apartments, Moving

So, I’m moving again. For the fourth time in a year. This time I’m signing a lease and will be tied in for at least a year.

Pros to this:
- Not having to worry about moving again for a WHOLE TWELVE MONTHS!
- For once in my life, it has nothing to do with my current living situation.
- My rent will be $10 cheaper. Yah yah, a whole $10. I just wanted to note this, because I really thought my rent was already as cheap as possible.
- No more cable bill. $$$!
- Utilities will all be split three ways, so.. cheaper!
- Once I get rid of my phone in July, I will be living as thrifty as humanly possible. Hopefully, I can focus on paying off my debt from almost a year of not working, not receiving unemployment, and paying WAY too much in rent.
- There is central air in the new place (something I didn’t really have any concern for until the past two days of heat in this third floor apartment.)
- Parking in the back alley!
- And last, but certainly not least.. This will now be every day of my life:

Here’s hoping I don’t wanna kill him after the first week! There’s some talk of a trip to six flags in our future. And THAT has gotten me super duper incredibly excited.

Cons to this:
- The actual physical act of moving all my stuff, only a few blocks away to an apartment that pales in comparison to this one.
- It’s further away from work, not a huge distance, but it adds about 10-15 minutes when you’re walking. On top of the 10-15 minutes that I added on my last move. Something I’m not a fan of in the mornings.
- Think I’m gonna miss my current roomy a little.

Okay so, who is going to help me move? Now, don’t all jump up at once…

Sidenote: Windows 7 is really cool!
More sidenotes: Finally can update and put new music on my iPod! Yeeeeeeeeee.

Okay so, I’ll admit it. I didn’t go to the free concert in Millennium Park tonight cause I wanted to play on my new laptop some more.

xxx Apartments, Jeff Madej, Moving, Roommates

I want to make this my new motto: “Be wise enough to not be reckless, but brave enough to take great risks.” – PostSecret

I am most likely the biggest fan of PostSecret that you know. Interestingly enough, I’ve never once even attempted at creating a postcard and sending it in. I’ve never even considered the act. Guess I’m just a voyeur for other people’s confessions. Or maybe it’s the idea of seeing my own secrets, in other people’s words that I love.

There’s so many people on the internet. I still remember a time when I thought I had some level of privacy. Cause I mean, come on, people in real life don’t internet as much as I do! That’s impossible! Welp, fourteen years later… seems I’ve been proven wrong.

I want to make this my new life: “Lets go to sleep in Paris, wake up in Tokyo, have a dream in New Orleans, and fall in love in Chicago.” – Lupe Fiasco

Observation: Everyone in the entire world considers themselves to be more quirky or more unique than everyone else. I know you like to dip your fries in your frosty, but I like to put mustard on my potato chips. *rolls eyes* At least find a different word to describe yourself than “quirky”. Hm.. maybe I just have a strong aversion to that word.

Something made me a little sad just now. Oh well, all good things eventually fade. Life goes on.

This has me laughing: encyclopediadramatica.com/Chicago

xxx Lupe Fiasco, Observations, Postsecret, Quotes

Do you ever have random thoughts pop into your head and so, you say it out loud. The person you’re talking to gets insulted by it. And then, upon considering what you had just said, you completely understand why that person would get offended by it?

And at that point, there’s no way of back-tracking and explaining that it wasn’t meant to be harsh or directed towards them in any way, no matter how sincere you are.

No? Happens to me just about every single day of my life. I can’t imagine I’m the only human being in existence that doesn’t thoroughly think through every single thing that comes out of my mouth, before I say it?

I call it my foot-in-mouth syndrome. Perhaps I should just never open my mouth.

Also, I’ve noticed when I try to force someone to look at the bright side of a shitty situation, all it seems to do is pour salt in the wound. I guess what works for one, won’t always work for anyone else. (And most women just want someone to listen to them. [Oh, including me.])

xxx me

Things that make me un-girly:

If I owned any, or was ever handed any make up, I would have no idea how to apply it. I’ve never plucked my eyebrows. I’ve never waxed.. anything.

I have never gotten a manicure or pedicure. Please… pay someone to do something I can do myself? Besides, when my nails are painted, all I do is pick at them. All I do is pick at my fingers, 100% of the time.

I’ve never been to a tanning bed. I just can’t justify the money this costs. Not to mention, it’s kinda weird to be tan in the dead of winter. You may look good, but it’s a bit unnatural.

I can’t walk in heels to save my life. I’m clumsy enough already without throwing myself off balance.

I’ll admit, I used to dye my hair, often. Apparently now, I get it cut once a year, haven’t dyed it in well over 4 years, and I never, ever, ever style/blow-dry it. I’ve been using the .99 cent shampoo, but my scalp is itchy lately, so I will have to switch to something better… like, what? It’s been a while since I went for quality over price.

I really do not like shopping. Unless it’s a thrift store. Somehow, thrift stores are like a challenging reward.

I don’t own a whole ton of jewelry, though I guess I wish that wasn’t the case.

That’s it.

I wanted to list the photo-a-days on the main feed, so that when you search some tag, the photos show up as well. Tell me if you think it’s too much. I can’t decide.

xxx me

- Someone to laugh with.
- Someone to have a decent conversation with, about anything.
- Someone to go out with, guaranteeing a fun time, every time, anywhere, ever.
- Someone to play darts with.
- Someone to try new places with.
- Someone to share my huge love of music with, and go to shows with.
- Someone to accompany me on roadtrips, to anywhere, ever.
- Someone to put my car passenger door panel back on. And fix the driver’s side window (yes, now the other window is broken, but I got it to stay closed. So, now it’s stuck closed until the weather is warmer and I am less lazy.)
- Someone to carry the heavy TV that has been sitting in my backseat for over a month now.
- Someone to put forth all the effort it takes to sell my car for me.
- Someone to sit and watch TV with me, quietly. Or read a book. Basically, someone to just… be there.
- Someone to fix our shower, so it’s not cold and won’t clog every single time.
- Someone to fix our oven, so it…. at least, turns on.
- Someone who can and will cook for me.
- Someone to motivate me to eat well and exercise.
- Someone who will let me do laundry at their place. And/or accompany me/help me carry my laundry to a laundromat.
- Someone to take obnoxiously adorable photos with to post all over Facebook and make people puke in their mouths.
- Someone to cuddle with.
- Someone to hug me every single day, without hesitation or obligation.
- Someone to fawn over me when I’m sick.
- Someone who loves cats just as much as they love dogs. (And my cat loves in return)
- Someone who, instead of saying “thank you”, takes action to show their thankfulness. On the other hand, someone who doesn’t do a favor, only to see a return.
- Someone who has lots of awesome friends that they want to share with me.
- Someone who is social, makes strangers feel comfortable around them.
- Someone who never, ever, by any means, gossips. Or speaks harshly of anyone (well okay, unless the subject of the harshness deserves it).
- Someone completely non-judgmental, who would love me even more for my faults than my charms.

Is that too much to ask? I realize a majority of these are very self-centered and/or limited to temporary satisfactions, but hey… at least I know what I want!?

xxx me

I’m tired of being taken advantage of. I am tired of opportunistic friends. You know, the ones who only call you up when it’s beneficial to them to do so.

Unfortunately, same goes for me. I need to stop keeping people around only for the beneficial aspects. If I don’t want to be used and manipulated, I have to stop doing the same to other people.

I believe that the show “Paranormal State” is a bunch of bullshit. Made up of nobody but super religious, in a complete crazy way, people. Like this guy right now who is saying the ghost told him to get up and drink alcohol. And told his wife to kill herself. Really?

xxx me, Reviews

I often wallow in self pity too much during the bad times. I don’t show enough appreciation for the good times.

So, I’d like to take this opportunity to state that everything is awesome, I couldn’t ask for anything more (well, other than more money, but let’s not be greedy and ugly), and I’m very happy right now.

I wasn’t turned down for volunteering after all! They contacted me again and I go in next Thursday. More details on that later.

I am not even at all depressed that I don’t have a valentine’s day date. Because I will be dogsitting for the most adorable puppy and that’s more pleasing than any stupid boy.

I love animals so much. I don’t understand people who are perfectly fine living without any kind of pet. Not even a fish? It’s nice to come home to something that’s happy to see you. Not to mention, all the cuddling and snuggling a cat or dog can provide. Also, I believe animals can sense a kind heart. If my cat runs away and hides every time he hears a certain person’s voice, I see that as a sign of bad company. Same with if he sleeps on someone else besides me, this means that person must be pretty damn awesome, especially because that’s only ever happened like.. twice. Maybe I’m sounding too cat lady-like. But I actually think dogs are even more keen on judging a person’s character. So there.

Anyway, thank you, karma. Let’s keep things like this for a while, k? kay.

xxx Ino, me

My Christmas present from my parents this year was an iTouch. I really really wanted one, for the ultimate goal of getting rid of my phone and Sprint forever. You can do everything with an iTouch that I now do with my phone. As long as WiFi’s around. There’s an app for texting, there’s an app for chatting. And if I ever get a headset with a microphone, I can use this thing as a phone through the Skype app. As I’m sure it’s all been said before… there’s an app for everything. And I can’t stop downloading them.

But I want to bitch about this product for a second.

Since my laptop and desktop computer are ancient artifacts, I couldn’t sync all of my music from either of them. So, I loaded up my portable hard drive and took it to my work computer. Once I got all my music on there, the applications suddenly stopped working. When I clicked to open one, it would open and then close again immediately. So, I scoured the internet for a solution. This is what came up.

How lame is Apple that I had to de-authorize and re-authorize the computer just to get my applications to open again? Once they opened again, all my prior information was erased. Also, while searching.. I read that it’s happened to a lot of people after syncing their applications to iTunes. Solution: never sync your applications to iTunes. Well, I think that’s just stupid. Get it together, Apple.

Thanks.

Oh, one more thing I don’t like… Why can’t the iTouch have a camera? What difference does it make? Game Machine, my ass. I want to be able to use the barcode scanner application but as I don’t have a camera, it’s useless on the iTouch.

Not to mention, photo-a-day would be a hell of a lot easier. As you see, I’ve been lazy with that because since I can’t just send a picture to this website from my cell phone, it’s a whole ordeal to upload each day… It requires some time. Quite frankly, I am way too busy laying on the couch to be hassled with all of that, on a daily basis.

Of course, now that I own an iTouch, I’m sure that the version with a camera will be available for sale next month.

The next stupid task at hand: figure out how to deauthorize computers that I no longer have access to. Somehow, my account is at it’s five out of five computers limit for authorized computers. So, how do I drop that laptop that was stolen or that one friend’s computer in Nebraska, that I’ll probably never touch again?

xxx Apple, Christmas, iTouch, Reviews

Tomorrow will be my one year anniversary of moving to Chicago. I’m thankful to say at least I have a job and a place to live.

Speaking of, recently moved. Email me for new address, though who knows how long before it will change again. I’m amazed at my ability to accumulate so much crap. I thought I just got rid of all my junk? No, it’s stock piling, time to purge once again. Soon as I get internet at the new place, I’m going to start Craigslisting stuff. I have way too many material things that aren’t important. And not worth moving around with. Living on the third floor is awesome, but makes me hate all my shit.

Well, the years are flying by. Things aren’t improving fast enough for my liking. It’s been a rough couple months. Hopefully, I can just hibernate the rest of winter away. I did just learn to knit, half way through a scarf, and have two books waiting to be read.

Spring, please be good to me.

PS: David Sedaris makes me happy.

xxx Anniversary, Chicago, me

This is my first white Christmas ever. Not as white as it is further west right now, but still pretty white.

I also received my first Christmas bonus ever… as far as I can recall anyway.

xxx me